I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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