i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize