Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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