Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
