I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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