How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
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