I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
