i think my mom watched the whole time
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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