You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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