Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
