it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i think my cat just said my name.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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