Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
