i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
