U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
