I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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