Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
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