Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Are we still banned from the library?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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