I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
