I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
...so i touched it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
