so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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