I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
