i already hear my dad disowning me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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