i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
