I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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