That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
