You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
