I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
