Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize