Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
