Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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