The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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