They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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