the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
