Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
