Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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