don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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