I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
