he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
