Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Terrible idea I love it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
