For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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