Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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