also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
pop tarts are not kleenex
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
