Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
