I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
