I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
