Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
