i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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