Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
