Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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