i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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