i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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