Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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