i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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