Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
