my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
