It's a beautiful day for a hangover
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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