i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
