there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
