okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
