dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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