I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
