His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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