dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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