Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
