I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the condom got lost in my hair
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
