I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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