chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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