Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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