I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
