The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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