a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
