I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
