the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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