My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My breasts were aching with rage.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
