if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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