My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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