its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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