omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I did not marry a roomba.
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