so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
