he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
