Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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