Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
