Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
