If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
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