i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
