Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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