drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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