Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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