Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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