Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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