The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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