I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize