Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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