You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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