If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Terrible idea I love it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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