so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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