I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
