somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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