so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
