I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
