I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
