I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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