Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
